I've come to a very random conclusion on birth. I bought into the lie that having a natural birth was more amazing than having a c-section. My conclusion: Who cares how a baby comes out! Is it living?! Congratulations! You got a living, breathing baby!!! Some time ago, I went to a meeting that encourages natural birth. I told a woman there about Oliveah, and how I had VBAC'd with her, but how she'd passed away 6 days later. She had the gall to congratulate me on having a natural birth, and said nothing about Oliveah's death. How the baby comes out is soooooo trivial to actually having a good healthy baby. I really wish I would have put more emphasis on this. More emphasis on how healthy is the baby, rather than- do you think I'll be able to do it naturally? I'm sorry I put you though so many months of a freaking out over how she would come out, over how healthy she would be. Her death is still not my fault or the midwife/Drs faults (so they say:)). But I want to say this: lets put less emphasis on how the baby comes out and more on the health of the baby and mom. These mommy wars have to stop! A mother is no less a mother because she pushed her child out. She is not mightier. In some cases she might be more prideful and seeking to feel better about herself, especially when she goes against a doctors wishes. People ask me all the time- when you get pregnant next time, how will you birth? I tell them- I don't know. I suppose I will do what the doctors say is best- and I'll probably be seeing specialists this time and not a midwife- again not that they had anything to do with her passing, just to ensure that I can have as many ultrasounds and blood tests that they will let me!
I've surrounded myself in my birth junkyness with people who are extreme. And I was on that extreme side. Reading about how many unnecessary c-sections are performed each year. Some of the reports are appalling. But who cares what other women are doing! If a woman wants to birth a certain way, and the doctors have advised her that its not safe- she is taking her life and the life of her baby into her own hands. I hope that she reads up on all that can go wrong, and is willing to accept those risks- and doesn't think that those horrible things can't happen to her.
I am pretty happy to live in this day and age, where we know so much about birth and pregnancy. We can many times see a problem before the baby is born- and that is amazing- cause a surprise unhealthy baby at birth is just horrible.
So all this to say- I wish other moms would shut the heck up about their beliefs that birthing a certain way is the best, or that breastfeeding exclusively is the only way to be. Although some of these things have major truth behind them- most of this lofty pointing out just makes other moms feel bad. And I still think its hilarious that my formula fed baby never got sick as a baby, while my friends breast fed babies were always sick!! Yup- I believe that your baby is healthier;)
