Logan's Birth Story

I started this post this past January. I wanted to make sure I wrote down Logan's birth experience. I love birth! The process is so amazing! It's empowering! But I wanted to keep it to myself for a while!

I'm ready to reveal it now:

In April 2014, we finally got pregnant! After three years of TTC, we finally got those lovely two pink lines on a pregnancy test! As many of our friends know, we don't believe in birth control for ourselves. After we lost Oliveah, we vowed to be open to the Lord's blessing of children in our lives. But after three years of nothing, we were filling pretty sure that Emelie was going to be our one and only living child. Then one Sunday, a couple lovely ladies at church took me to be prayed for by Germaine- a beautiful woman at church with a special gifting of praying for women to conceive. About this time, my thyroid doctor raised my medications times three! Between these two things- bam!- we got pregnant! We were ecstatic!

The whole pregnancy was pretty uneventful. I swam three times a week almost until the end. I felt great! My doctors were monitoring our baby and me very closely. When we discovered we were having a boy in August, we were overjoyed! I'd never seen myself as a mom to boys- I've always preferred girls! But I warmed up the idea of a boy almost immediately!

The last month of pregnancy was pretty difficult, but could have been a ton worse, had I not been swimming up until then! I had a sudden weight gain of close to 20 lbs- all water, all in my feet and legs! They started to monitor me for preeclampsia, which was pretty scary. Every test came back normal, so we weren't too worried.

Finally after many months of growing and nurturing my sweet baby boy, we got to meet him on December 29, 2014, at 5:28 in the morning.

This is Logans Birth Story

For about two and a half weeks I had been having contractions. I would count them, and they were sometimes under 5 minutes apart, but they would always eventually stop. Thank you Jesus they didn't hurt! That would have been really annoying. At my weekly doctor appointments, we discovered that I was dialating about a centimeter a week.
Friday, December 26, I was having regular contractions around bedtime. Emelie was at my parents house, so we decided to go and have me get checked out. I was 3 centimeters and 70% effaced, but I wasn't progressing, so they sent me home. Later, after Logan was born, the doctor on call that night told me he could have given me pitocin to get things going, but he knew my desire to have as little interventions as possible so he sent me home! Thank you SOOOOO much Dr N!!!! It was a nice trial run! I have a history of what they call precipitous labor/birth- which means a labor and birth that lasts less than 4-5 hours. I showed up 9 cm dialated and had Oliveah in an hour when we got to the hospital. I wanted to be sure that I was at the hospital for Logan's arrival!
Fast forward to Sunday night. John was teasing me that we'd had 4 whole days off work for Christmas break- and I hadn't gone into labor on my own yet. We had tried EVERYTHING except castor oil, to get labor to begin. And nothing. So Sunday night, John and Emelie prepared a really nice bath for me, complete with candles, my diffuser blowing lavender oil, and my Kindle with a new Kristen Hannah book. I finally got my mind to clear itself from worrying and thinking about birth. And two hours later, those weird contractions I'd been having off and on began again... only this time, they "felt". They didn't hurt, but I could feel them. They were about 8 minutes apart. I thought little about them. Until they started to come a little closer and "felt" a little stronger. Weird. So I started some laundry. At 11:00pm. Between 11-1am, I counted them. Finally I told John that I was having contractions and that they "felt". And within 15 minutes, I was having to concentrate during contractions. John saw me in my more serious state of birthing, holding on to my dresser and swaying, and knew it was time. We dressed, gathered things we needed, woke up Emelie, and got in the car. I think it was around 2:30ish when we arrived at the hospital. By this time, the contractions were 3.5 minutes apart, lasting 45 second. I got in the room, got my IV, and they checked me. I was only at 5 cms! For most people, that probably sounds good! But I showed up at 9cms last time! I kept thinking about those 5 more centimeters I had to go! The pain was coming and it was starting to overwhelm me. Once I regained my attention to the task at hand, I was able to breathe through the contractions. Knowing I had a ways to go, and they had already tethered me to the bed with an internal fetal monitor, I asked for something to take the edge off the pain. Stupid drug could only be given every hour! By about 20 minutes of slightly less pain, the medication wore off and I was climbing the walls in pain again. So I calmly asked for the epidural. I was at 6cms. I thought I was going to be birthing for many more hours. The epidural guy came in a while later and is telling me of the risks of the epidural, while I'm having HORRIBLE contractions. I wanted to say "Shut up!!!! And give it to me already!!!!". In the middle of these contractions, I started feeling the need to bear down. They checked me. I was at 7cms. They had me go to the bathroom before he came back to prep me for the epidural. I was afraid to do anything to allow pee to flow, cause I was wanting to push already! They got me back in bed and checked me. I was at 8cms and completely effaced. The contractions were coming one on top of another. Then they're strapping an oxygen mask to me face. With every contraction, Logan's heart rate would plummet to 50. He needed a little extra oxygen. I was kind of scared. I was seeing flash backs to Emelie's birth, thinking that an emergency c-section might be needed. They had me roll on my side. I was really trying not to push. I thought I was only 8cms. I had everyone telling me to pant, breathe, don't push!!! The little (probably 20 something) lady doctor checks me again, and I was at nine! Still can't push! But I needed to push! My body was screaming "Let me push!!!!". Literally a couple minutes later, she checks me again, while I'm helplessly trying not to push, but pushing- and declares I'm 10! I didn't actually hear any of this, I was pushing. Its nearly impossible to stop! So they're all telling me to push, I finally hear it, and I push with all my might. It felt soooo good! I felt him crowning and his head was born. The contraction stopped, and they untangled the cord that was around his neck. With the next contraction, the rest of him came out. They were getting ready to cut the cord, when John asked to cut it. He cut it, but then they whisked Logan away from us and took him to the adjoining room. He wasn't crying. John ran into the room with Logan, and very shortly after, we heard Logan's screams of life! I'm in my bed, crying "Louder!" Those cries were music to my ears! Apparently, he came down the birth canal so fast, he was stunned, and needed a little oxygen. John says he was purple when he was born. Once he got the oxygen, his color immediately pinked! They brought him back into me right away, and put us skin to skin. It was by far the best feeling ever. He was born at 5:28 in the morning. Apparently, I had gone from 7 cms to 10 cms in 20 minutes. And I pushed for under 5 minutes on my side. I only needed 3 little stitches.

It was an amazing experience. Since he needed oxygen at birth, he had to stay an extra night in the hospital. We went home on New Years Eve. I cried tears of absolute joy the entire ride home. After so much heartache, pain, and hopelessness, God healed our hearts. He  drenched us with joy and hope. We are so grateful for our sweet boy!

As we celebrate his first birth today, I just want to say how thankful we are for those who've walked this journey with us!  Those who've cried with is, and now rejoice with us! God has been so good to us!

A new season of frugal living

Once upon a time, both John and I both worked outside the home. We had pretty much matching paychecks. We bought pretty much whatever we wanted when we wanted it. We didn't budget. Once I calculated how much money we spent on eating out in a month, and it was several hundred dollars. Ridiculous. 

When I got pregnant with Emelie, I knew that I wanted to raise her myself. It didn't make sense to me to pay someone else, when I didn't have a career that paid big bucks. I liked my job, and found fulfillment in helping the community, but I knew that God was calling me to quit my job and be a fulltime mother.

Going from two paychecks down to one was very difficult. Duh. Suddenly I had to cook a lot. Even that seemed to cost a lot of money at first. There were even a few times we had a leave whole grocery cart of food at the register because we'd (and I mean I- I'm the money manager) miscalculated our funds and were broke. You only do that once before you really obsess over making sure you've done the math right!

I complained several times on Facebook about how broke we were. And a few people told me to start babysitting during the day to bring in some extra money. So I did that for 4 years. 

Recently the little girl I've watched for 3 years moved away. I asked God what he wanted me to do. Since we homeschool, I've found that the extra children distract me from our school time. I felt like God was telling me not to take in any extra kids for this season. I'm learning obedience is soooo much better than convenience.

I think that in today's society, we put so much emphasis on getting ahead financially. It's like going without something is super frowned upon. If something's broken, instead of fixing it, we buy a new one. We (American society) have disposable incomes. I once had a super disposable income. It didn't make me happier! If anything, it set me up for failure when we didn't have extra money! It took time to learn to be frugal. I'm still learning! 

I think the hardest thing about this life we've chosen is that few understand why we've chosen it! I'm always afraid people will assume I'm a lazy woman who wants to sit home and eat Bon Bons while watching soaps. We've chosen this life because it's what God has called us to.

So now that we're down to one income again, I've had to "find" money in John's paycheck!  My pay (about $100 a week) went towards our groceries. No more eating out when we feel like it. We're eating more beans made from scratch. No buying clothes just because it's cute. We're strategic with our spending. If we have enough gas for John to get to work and back, but no extra, I might not be able to go across town to see a friend. If we're invited to do something that costs money, and we don't have it- oh well! Everyone thinks that going without is such a horrible thing. We should be trying to make more money so we never have to tell ourselves or our children "No, we can't afford that". I think all that is teaching, is a self centered lesson. My pleasure is what matters. Me me me.

Our world may be teaching that through hard work, you can buy it all. But our family is choosing to live frugally. To work hard, yet live simply. For me, to work a job that is really belittled nowadays- not to mention doesn't pay cash- only kisses! To live under our means. To make it stretch and last. And to still be generous, knowing that we are blessed! 

"Gratitude makes what you have more than enough" (or something like that!)

I suspect that we will become less popular with friends and family as we may have to say no frequently. But true friends will be up to chicken tostadas at Jens! I am excited to see how God will make what he's provided us, to be more than enough! I look forward to planning ahead. To using up. Going without. Fixing things that are mend able. I look forward to Emelie learning how to be a good steward of what she has- and far less concerned about the things she doesn't have. I'm excited about this new phase in life!

"He always provides, sure as the sunrise. So I sing Him songs of praise, cause He keeps me in his gaze" Caedmons Call

Awww today was See You At The Pole! It always reminds me of when I was a teenager. 

I am really glad that I was raised in a home where going to church was expected. I might joke about the indoctrination that I received having gone to Christian school and my upbringing (there might be a few things I'm still working out in my own faith- luckily there's a book that's pretty straightforward with the answers;))- but the fact is I am glad my parents and teachers taught me from God's word. They might have taught us what to believe- but they followed it with scripture- scripture that is truth, its infallible. It's taken many years to sort through what I believe and how I react towards things I don't believe are right. I battle self righteousness constantly. But I am glad that I was given a straight path when I was young. 

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" Proverbs 22.6

So thank you to my parents, teachers, and pastors. I am thankful that you've invested time and energy into my life. I'm glad that I was able to bypass much of the "experimental" times many youth face, who maybe don't have adults in their lives- possibly breathing down their necks;) Thank you for teaching me that relativity is not what Christians should be embracing, but that the Bible is our standard and anything that is contradictory is false. 

Another New Start????

I really stink at blogging! I really want to keep up with it. Today I realized that maybe I should enter my Facebook Status Update on to my blog and call it a day! Some of my updates are bloggy enough, you know? Long winded, will she just get to the point?! :D

So here is my Facebook status update, that I typed into Facebook, but copied and pasted here- and never posted to Facebook.

Its 10:30 and I've already done a big workout for me!!! I call it the Hulu workout. I walk in place, side step, sweat, and lift my medicine ball while while marching in place and watching an hour long program on Hulu. I got my moves from the Leslie Sansone walking videos (I just get irritated with her cheesiness on the videos, so I do her moves myself).Whats great about Hulu (well, in other instances its annoying) are the commercial breaks every 8 minutes or so. They're normally 30-60 minutes, giving me a chance to sit for a few seconds, stretch my back, take a drink- without cooling down:) So I'm good and caught up on last nights Beauty and the Beast, done with my workout, and ready to finish laundry before the weekend starts!

Today is a very important day to me. It marks 150 days of counting calories. I never thought I would be able to stick to counting calories for so long. I think in the whole time, there have only been a handful to times that I didn't complete the whole day (ie- I counted breakfast and lunch, but I had no idea how to count my friends meal they cooked for us- although I still applied healthy eating habits to my choices, etc...). I'm disappointed that I haven't lost much weight. You'd think that since I'm quite heavy, the weight would literally fall off...but it hasn't. I still wonder if I've cut my calories back too drastically (although after 150 days you'd think my body would have realized that's all its going to get- get used to it!). I keep it to 1200-1500 a day, which is pretty typical for dieters. I was eating around 3000+ with all the cheap fast food I was eating, almost every day. I've not had fast food in that whole time either. I do allow myself the grilled chicken salads if the rest of my family wants to eat at Chick Fil A or McDonalds, but they have to have the low calorie dressing and the salad itself has to be on the lower end of calories. But I haven't had a cheeseburger in that whole time.

So I'm hoping that since I've decided to suck it up and workout at home, I'm hoping that will help me meet some goals. I am not, nor will I ever be a gym rat. In fact, we still pay for our gym membership, but I haven't been there in months. There literally is no time to go. Some people say "Then you make time". My response...colorful words. I am not willing to sacrifice the few hours I get to hang out with my hubby and daughter as a family, so I can leave him and go to the gym after dinner. Besides, there's usually only 3 hours between John coming home and us all going to bed. No time. And I don't have a car to get out during the day. And my gym opens after John leaves for work and closes at 8....I should probably cancel it. So since things have changed so much in our home with work schedules, I'm trying to get in some workout times when the kids are playing. Or while we watch TV at night. I'm excited for this new, new start:)

Mommy Wars

I've come to a very random conclusion on birth. I bought into the lie that having a natural birth was more amazing than having a c-section. My conclusion: Who cares how a baby comes out! Is it living?! Congratulations! You got a living, breathing baby!!! Some time ago, I went to a meeting that encourages natural birth. I told a woman there about Oliveah, and how I had VBAC'd with her, but how she'd passed away 6 days later. She had the gall to congratulate me on having a natural birth, and said nothing about Oliveah's death. How the baby comes out is soooooo trivial to actually having a good healthy baby. I really wish I would have put more emphasis on this. More emphasis on how healthy is the baby, rather than- do you think I'll be able to do it naturally? I'm sorry I put you though so many months of a freaking out over how she would come out, over how healthy she would be. Her death is still not my fault or the midwife/Drs faults (so they say:)). But I want to say this: lets put less emphasis on how the baby comes out and more on the health of the baby and mom. These mommy wars have to stop! A mother is no less a mother because she pushed her child out. She is not mightier. In some cases she might be more prideful and seeking to feel better about herself, especially when she goes against a doctors wishes. People ask me all the time- when you get pregnant next time, how will you birth? I tell them- I don't know. I suppose I will do what the doctors say is best- and I'll probably be seeing specialists this time and not a midwife- again not that they had anything to do with her passing, just to ensure that I can have as many ultrasounds and blood tests that they will let me!

I've surrounded myself in my birth junkyness with people who are extreme. And I was on that extreme side. Reading about how many unnecessary c-sections are performed each year. Some of the reports are appalling. But who cares what other women are doing! If a woman wants to birth a certain way, and the doctors have advised her that its not safe- she is taking her life and the life of her baby into her own hands. I hope that she reads up on all that can go wrong, and is willing to accept those risks- and doesn't think that those horrible things can't happen to her.

I am pretty happy to live in this day and age, where we know so much about birth and pregnancy. We can many times see a problem before the baby is born- and that is amazing- cause a surprise unhealthy baby at birth is just horrible.

So all this to say- I wish other moms would shut the heck up about their beliefs that birthing a certain way is the best, or that breastfeeding exclusively is the only way to be. Although some of these things have major truth behind them- most of this lofty pointing out just makes other moms feel bad. And I still think its hilarious that my formula fed baby never got sick as a baby, while my friends breast fed babies were always sick!! Yup- I believe that your baby is healthier;)

Random Thoughts

Some days I have like 3-4 different things I want to put as my Facebook status, and I have a hard time picking just one. So random thoughts from my head:
1. Does lumpy Cream of Wheat make anyone else gag?
2. Today is a sad day. My mommy kisses so longer heal owies:(
3. I love any holiday when I get to put my flag out. It makes me feel patriotic:) Happy Veterans Day!!!
4. This has been the LONGEST weekend ever!!!! Its been 25 days since John worked! Thankful he has work lined up for the end of the month, but its still a couple weeks away!
5. This week is going to be awesome! John and I both got tickets to go to the Twilight marathon!!!! Its seriously something I've been looking forward to all year long, and I cried when I thought I wouldn't be able to go! I don't ever have girls night out, weekends away, or other things most moms I know do- but I do allow myself a midnight premier of books turned movies that I love and the once a year Twilight marathon- this will be my 3rd and final one:( But I am thrilled that John wanted to go this time- since its a one time opportunity and he didn't have to get out of work to do it. I'm also super excited a couple other friends who are closet Twilight fans will be there as well as my bro and sister in law!!! Twilight brings people together! (and I already have everything thought out for avoiding the theaters expensive junk food!!! Cooler full of sandwich stuff in the car!)

Starting something new:)

Tomorrow, John and I embark on a life changing challenge: A 30 day juice fast!
Last week we watched the movie "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead". And it was just the thing to set me over the edge! I've battled my weight for a few years now (okay, so I haven't really put up a fight!). Even last year, I considered going casein/gluten/processed foods free...but what else was there to eat? Vegetables and fruits?! No way! I didn't think it was possible to even think about resculpting the way I eat and live. Our lives are completely revolved around food. Its payday- lets go out to eat! Its Sunday after noon- lets go out to eat! We just ate a big meal- lets stuff our selves with ice cream now! Birthdays- food. Funerals- food. A friend is in town- food! Food and eating is something we all enjoy/do. But many of us struggle to properly nourish ourselves. We live on a diet of fast food, take out, pizza, and food we heat up from a box. Some of it has been chemically treated. Most of it has been bombarded with preservatives, artificial flavoring, and lots of added sugar and salt.
I've been reading about how the body can heal itself. I find it amazing that God was so creative and clever when He designed our bodies that if we treat it properly, we will be healthy (well, minus genetics...that's something else!). So maybe all the times we've asked God to heal us of this or that, maybe God just wants us to eat food He created, as it is, to heal ourselves! So that's what we're doing!
I have psoriasis. I've had it for as long as I can remember. But since I got married and had babies, it has spread like wild fire. What used to be just on my scalp sometimes, is all over my neck, back, and chest. Its like the heavier I got, the worse it's gotten. I've read that people have had great results when they quit eating junk and ate a plant based diet. Doctors want to throw pills at us. But could it be that getting healthy, eating a plant based diet, and exercise could be the correct answer? I don't know! But I'm hoping to find out! I'm kind of treating this like a science experiment.

Anyways. So this weekend we were so excited! We spent Saturday at Walmart and bought enough produce to get started with. We decided we would drink freshly juiced juice for breakfast and lunch. Dinner would be a completely plant based meal- cooked is okay. We ate at a friends house on Saturday night. That was our food finale! Starting tomorrow- only juice- for a month!


Written February 29